You’re getting two messages from the culture about sex: one is, sex is SO IMPORTANT that you should only ever do it with *one person* all your life, that you *must* be monogamous. And the other message that the culture sends you is that sex is so UNIMPORTANT that you’re not allowed to take it into consideration when you’re picking a life partner. That there’s something *base* about you, or *animal-ish* about you, if you look at somebody and just think, whatever else they bring to the table, however much I *like* them, however wonderful our rapport is, however much I enjoy spending time with this person, however much we’re on the same page about finances and children and all this other stuff… you are not allowed to put sex on the scales and say, ‘Is the sex good? Do we want the same things? Do we enjoy the same things?’ Because if you weigh that, if you give that the same importance that you give all of these other considerations, then you’re somehow *over*emphasizing the importance of sex. You’re some kind of sex-crazed monster!
You have to take sex into consideration. *Particularly* in a sexually exclusive relationship. Particularly if you want monogamy.